I have a friend, he’s almost like a younger brother to me, and I suppose for that reason I feel the need to stand up for him now. Anyway, he met this girl at a Valentine’s Day party that a mutual friend of ours was hosting this year. I only met her a few times, but from the times that I did meet her she did seem like a good match for this friend of mine. Sure there were some times of anxiety, but that’s the case for any relationship.
The first time that I was supposed to meet her was at a prayer night at my church. Something had happened in their conversation leading up to the night that caused much anxiety on her part. She had told him she would be late. After no sign of her after 30 minutes, he tried texting, no response. After an hour here called, no answer. He finally got ahold of her when there was about 20 minutes left of the evening and she said she was on her way. Unfortunately she showed up when things had ended and none of us got to meet her as they went straight to talk. Don’t get me wrong, it seemed like a good thing that they talked and it had sounded like they got a lot of things out in the open.
I will admit that they do both have things to work out before either of them is fully ready for a relationship but to be treated so unfairly in the end is unfathomable.
On their last date he joined her for a wedding. Everything seemed normal, hand holding, hugging, sitting closely during the ceremony. Then afterwards they went for coffee. She was all prepared. Had everything he had ever given her in the back of her car. She knew that she was going to end things, this wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. It was well thought out and executed.
They’re whole relationship she always talked about how glad she was to be in a relationship. She was so ready to get married. She couldn’t imagine herself being single and alone at 30 (hello? most of his friends are over 30 and single)
They talked about marriage. This year. This summer even. It was quick and it was sudden and it ended abruptly. I feel sorry for him. I know how it feels to have someone say one thing to you and then turn and find out it’s all lies (B) and then be on a date and have them change completely from one part of the date to the end and cut off all ties (C) She says she’s ready to date (although from the sounds of it she really does have a lot of things to work through) and that he is no where near ready for a relationship (OK, l admit, I don’t think he was quite ready for something as serious as he was in, to get married so soon, but I think he is ready. He’s growing. Being drawn closer to family. Leaning on friends for help. Turning to God in crisis.
But I was never as heartbroken as he is, not even with A, who I thought I loved and thought I would marry. Even when he married someone else.
My friend is hurting. He is struggling. He’s broken. She completely changed. She completely changed him. He was in love and she crushed him. He’s gone into anxiety attacks. Needing to call crisis lines. Unable to work.
I want to help my friend. I’m here to listen, which I know is good but I’m not always good with the advice. They broke up on Saturday and throughout this whole week there has been pain upon pain upon pain caused by those whole situation.
Today is a new day, with new outcomes and I am finding out that they are talking again and reconnecting. Apparently there is hope of rekindling this relationship. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But one day. I fear that he will jump back in with heart and not use his head in this situation. I fear that he won’t seek advice from friends and family and God. I fear that he will get hurt again. I don’t want to see any of this happen. I could be wrong and this may be the best thing that could happen from a bad situation but I am worried that it won’t.
He had such harsh words to say about them when it first ended and now I fear that they’ll ‘fall in love’ again and then she’ll break his heart once again.