Don’t Be Fooled By A False Persona

I have a friend, he’s almost like a younger brother to me, and I suppose for that reason I feel the need to stand up for him now. Anyway, he met this girl at a Valentine’s Day party that a mutual friend of ours was hosting this year. I only met her a few times, but from the times that I did meet her she did seem like a good match for this friend of mine. Sure there were some times of anxiety, but that’s the case for any relationship.

The first time that I was supposed to meet her was at a prayer night at my church. Something had happened in their conversation leading up to the night that caused much anxiety on her part. She had told him she would be late. After no sign of her after 30 minutes, he tried texting, no response. After an hour here called, no answer. He finally got ahold of her when there was about 20 minutes left of the evening and she said she was on her way. Unfortunately she showed up when things had ended and none of us got to meet her as they went straight to talk. Don’t get me wrong, it seemed like a good thing that they talked and it had sounded like they got a lot of things out in the open.

I will admit that they do both have things to work out before either of them is fully ready for a relationship but to be treated so unfairly in the end is unfathomable.

On their last date he joined her for a wedding. Everything seemed normal, hand holding, hugging, sitting closely during the ceremony. Then afterwards they went for coffee. She was all prepared. Had everything he had ever given her in the back of her car. She knew that she was going to end things, this wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. It was well thought out and executed.

They’re whole relationship she always talked about how glad she was to be in a relationship. She was so ready to get married. She couldn’t imagine herself being single and alone at 30 (hello? most of his friends are over 30 and single)

They talked about marriage. This year. This summer even. It was quick and it was sudden and it ended abruptly. I feel sorry for him. I know how it feels to have someone say one thing to you and then turn and find out it’s all lies (B) and then be on a date and have them change completely from one part of the date to the end and cut off all ties (C) She says she’s ready to date (although from the sounds of it she really does have a lot of things to work through) and that he is no where near ready for a relationship (OK, l admit, I don’t think he was quite ready for something as serious as he was in, to get married so soon, but I think he is ready. He’s growing. Being drawn closer to family. Leaning on friends for help. Turning to God in crisis.

But I was never as heartbroken as he is, not even with A, who I thought I loved and thought I would marry. Even when he married someone else.

My friend is hurting. He is struggling. He’s broken. She completely changed. She completely changed him. He was in love and she crushed him. He’s gone into anxiety attacks. Needing to call crisis lines. Unable to work.

I want to help my friend. I’m here to listen, which I know is good but I’m not always good with the advice. They broke up on Saturday and throughout this whole week there has been pain upon pain upon pain caused by those whole situation.

Today is a new day, with new outcomes and I am finding out that they are talking again and reconnecting. Apparently there is hope of rekindling this relationship. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But one day. I fear that he will jump back in with heart and not use his head in this situation. I fear that he won’t seek advice from friends and family and God. I fear that he will get hurt again. I don’t want to see any of this happen. I could be wrong and this may be the best thing that could happen from a bad situation but I am worried that it won’t.

He had such harsh words to say about them when it first ended and now I fear that they’ll ‘fall in love’ again and then she’ll break his heart once again.

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What is this?

Relationships can come in many different forms. Friendships. Romantic. Family. Work. Roommates. Acquaintances. Many different forms. And the different relationships can intermingle about how you assess one, how you confide in others about one, what you let others get into your head about one.

Here’s where I stand with all of this. I am in a relationship with E. Things are far more serious with him then they were with anyone else in my past dating relationships. Serious to a point of, yes, I do love him. Yes, I do want to marry him. Yes, I do want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Or so I thought. Now people are asking:

  • Are you just in it for the physical?
  • Do you really communicate?
  • Are you just infatuated with the idea?
  • Are you sure this is how you really feel?
  • Don’t just settle
  • Is he who he says he is?

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Now I’m wondering. Now I’m beginning to doubt. Are my feelings real? Are my feelings legitimate? Am I settling?

Don’t get me wrong I do care about him, but I suppose I need to figure out where I stand. We have talked about far more than I ever did with anyone else in past relationships. He probably knows more deeper things about me then some of my closest friends. But is this me doubting a great relationship or am I just getting cold feet?

Lack of Introverted Time

Between work and a boyfriend I haven’t had a whole lot of me time lately, which time with him has been good and I haven’t needed it quite as much as I normally do. But over the next two weeks my best friend is going to be visiting as well, which will be keeping me even busier.

I’m just not certain how this introvert is going to be able to juggle time between work, boyfriend and best friend. It’ll definitely be a challenge

Introverts in Relationships

Is it weird that as an introvert that I want my relationship status known?

So, on our date on Friday, I finally brought up the dtr (determine the relationship) as I couldn’t wait anymore I wanted to know what we were. Besides it just happened to be 2 months after we originally meet.

A part of me has always wanted to have a relationship status to put up on Facebook. So last night I asked how he would feel about it. Although I’m not sure if he agreed to it because it was something I wanted or because he’s was actually OK with it.

But I’ve always wanted to have the relationship on Facebook. Maybe because then I don’t have to tell everyone, because they’d already know or because I wanted the attention in a silent sort of way.

But either way, it’s out there. We are dating. It is Facebook official. And I am really happy with him.

Oops

So roommate had been on and off looking for a guy online. I can’t blame her. It’s lonesome and tiring being alone.

Well today she was telling me about a conversation with one guy that she had been taking to for awhile. Then all of a sudden changed things to another.

She said ‘so I’ve started talking to this guy’ and then shows me his picture. I take one look at it and say ‘you know that’s [guys name]’ but she looks at me all blank and puzzled like. ‘Who’s [guys name]’ My response ‘the guy from the summer’

That’s when she started to clue in and decided the conversation was over.

No, I don’t expect her to remember what all of my exes looked like, and she had never officially met him before, but had seen him at an event earlier this fall. I did expect her to at least clue in when I said the name, not act all dense like. Sorry, maybe that’s a little harsh, but have some sense, if I recognise someone right off the bat, get a clue, don’t like you have no idea what I’m talking about.

And … He Kissed Me

Last night we got together for a fun date of mini-golf, but then ended the night going for a drive to a lookout point to see over the city. No, not a make out point, just a lookout.

We walked to the edge and just stood there. Looking out at the city. Seeing the lights. Bring in the stillness and quiet of the nights air. It was the perfect ending to a great night. And although I was thinking standing there looking out at the city would have been the perfect opportunity for him to kiss me. He waited. We waited. Soaking in God’s goodness and enjoying what we could see of his glory.

Walking back to his truck, arm around one another, we were relaxed and enjoying the quiet of each other. Then as we approached his truck, that is when he put his lips on mine. It may have been short, but for him I do know that it was a big step. His first kiss was OUR first kiss. He took a step out of his comfort zone, to bring us together.

He had talked about a future. About our future. Together. And although labels aren’t necessarily necessary. They are to me. To know for sure that we are both on the same page. Now for the figuring out of how to approach the subject of what we are.

I’m Speechless

OK, so a bit of back story as to why I am now feeling speechless …

About a month ago, the guy that I am currently seeing, we will call him E, asked me what I would like for Christmas. I don’t want to expect presents from someone, nor have I even considered getting something for guys I have been seeing over the holidays, but this time I actually thought about it and wanted to do something. So my response to him had been that if he wanted to get me something, to get something that reminded him of me.

After that there was no talk of presents, but I was still thinking of what I could do for him. He had told me at one time that his love language was words of affirmation. This got me thinking, I could write him some letters, and not just any letters, but a Bible verse with a prayer to go along with it. He already knew that I was headed out of town for the week of Christmas, so my idea was to write one letter a day for him to open while I was gone. And although he didn’t mention every letter to me, he did tell me about some of them, that he was looking at the same verses earlier in the day before even reading my letters.

So last night, although he isn’t feeling the greatest yet, he suggested that we go out. We made plans and went out and had a nice evening together. At the end of the evening he was talking about his gift for me. He got the present from his truck and gave it to me. Although I hadn’t read the card while we were together, I did open the present. It may seem like a trivial gift, but he gave me a Spiderman advent calendar, which over the last two years I have gotten into using again. I know the season is over but it is not going to go to waste on me.

But really, the thing that got me speechless was the card. I have read and reread it a number of times since getting it. What he said in it touched me. About God’s love for us and how He sends certain people into our lives for reasons. I’m still at a loss. The words he wrote meant a lot and I’m sure I will continue to read it over and over again.

Questions for the other half

How do you as an introvert cope with dating? I’ve dated a little bit in the past but guys always seem to end things with me because I’m too quiet and don’t open up.

Currently I have been seeing this one guy that I do really like (although don’t want to get my hopes up too much on fear that things will end again and I will be hurt) we meet online, talked everyday for a month (via text) finally meet, gone out a few times, still talk almost everyday (still via text) but he wants me to ask him questions and for the life of me I can’t think of anything to ask. We share the same faith and have similar values, I just don’t know what to ask him.

Frustrations and Quality Time

Why is this so hard to understand? To me quality time is important. And I value different types of quality time with different people. For me my quality time with my roommate is watching TV together. But not super distracted by the phones.

We have a bunch of shows that we watch together. Some of which we haven’t been watching yet but were going to watch them when others ended. Well tonight I find out that she started watching shows without me because she thought I’d already watch them. No, no I hadn’t. I always said I was waiting for her to watch them.

Also, tonight watching some shows she’s barely paying attention. Having me pause the shows or go back so that she can either tell me something or so she can hear what just happened.

I know this is just me venting, but I am annoyed. I’m wanting my quality time and I’m not getting it how I am in need of it. She’s had plenty of time to do her own stuff on her phone that she doesn’t need it to overtake our time together