C’s Heartbreak

Ok, so now that it’s been a week, I think I’ve processed enough and am ready to share the story of caution and heartbreak that I had with C.

As I stated before, I started talking to C online mid-September 2016. I finally agreed to meet him November 4. He seemed really nice and really genuine. Considerate of my time and all that I had going on. So our first date was just coffee, a simple meeting to kind of get to know one another. Granted he was the one that talked the most, as per most of our dates, but it was still nice getting to know him.

Then our second date we went for dinner, Italian. Third date was painting pottery, his idea I might add, typically I wouldn’t expect a guy to suggest that, but he did. At the end of that date he did kiss my cheek, it was sweet. Fourth date we grabbed coffee again and went for a walk by the water, it was really cold, but still a nice afternoon spent together. At the end of which, he kissed me. All I can say is, I was in my glory. I had never been kissed before and was uncertain if I should tell him that or what, so I just left it as is. Truthfully, even now he has no idea, well, at least I never told him, so I’m supposing he has no idea. Driving home that day I started thinking, “Who am I kissing? A guy I’ve been out with a few times? Someone I have an open relationship with? Someone I’m dating? Exclusively? My boyfriend?” I had all these questions with no answers, so I decided that I needed to ask some questions, I needed to dtr us, to figure out what was happening between us.

Our fifth date actually got cancelled/postponed due to bad weather. Ended up going out a day after we planned for Mexican food. I had told him ahead of time that I wanted to talk about some things, so he did know this and was aware of the fact. He asked me at dinner what it was that I wanted to talk about, but for some reason my nerves were getting to me and he said to take my time and ask when I was ready. Finally when our food came I asked him if he’d be ok if we prayed together for our food, and he said that he had been thinking the same thing when we had first gone out for food together. Then later on I also brought up the fact that if possible I would like it if we could go to church together once in awhile, to which he readily agreed as long as we went to his church as well as mine. At the end of which he asked me if I asked all the questions I had or if there was more. I suppose I could have said there was more, because really there was, but I figured things were pretty good at that point, that I felt with the answers I got that yes we were in fact dating. The answers that I got clarified things enough for me to be satisfied with where things were for us.

Date six, this could possibly be where things took a turn. At least in my mind they did. It started out great, we went to see the new Star Wars movie. Ok, yes, I was hoping that throughout the whole movie that he would hold my hand, but that is irrelevant. At the end of the movie, he took his phone out to check. Which that, did not really bother me, it’s what he checked that did. He went into his email to check new messages, normal enough, yes. Which email did he happen to open though? The one from eharmony telling him that he had a new match. Um, say what? At this point I’m thinking to myself “we really need to dtr this, I can’t go thinking that he’s still looking for someone else” So the date went on, we grabbed a quick bite to eat at this little burger joint that really doesn’t give much privacy, so I didn’t want to bring it up there. And then he dropped me off. I said nothing. NOTHING! I was kicking myself. We had a kiss goodbye, but I said nothing about the fact that I this was bothering me. So later that night I messaged him about it. First he said that he didn’t open the app. I readily agreed with that, restating that he read the email, at which point he said he didn’t even realise that he did that and it’s just something he does when he checks his phone, he didn’t mean anything by it. We both apologised, me for thinking things weren’t right and him for doing something out of habit that he didn’t mean to do.

That week we were supposed to go out, but he had a long week and it was very draining, so he ended up cancelling. Then it was Christmas and we were both really busy, so it ended up being another week before we got to see each other. I told him that I wanted to talk about some things again, so he knew. Except we went to a trivia night at a local pub and it was loud and hard to hear and I didn’t feel right having the conversation there. He acknowledged the fact that I wanted to talk about things, but said we would do it next time. So I suggested if he was free for NYE that he come over to my place that we can hang out, watch movies, talk, to which he suggested I could always come and hang out with him and a friend of his. Neither of us had definitive plans. But then it started snowing that afternoon and we weren’t able to get together. Plans were cancelled again. Trying not to think much of it, I went on and went out with my own friends.

Finally we made plans to go out. I came up with a couple of ideas, one of which included coming to my place so we could hang out and chat. He suggested either bowling or mini-golf, so I made the final decision of bowling and we ended up going a week after New Years. Everything seemed great. In between the turns that we would each take, we’d sit, cuddle a bit (as best as you can on those hard chairs) yes, he’d keep a watchful on some football game, but we could talk a little. Except for the fact that the lane right next to us was a family with young children and I didn’t want to talk about important things with little ears listening so closely.

So as we were driving back to my place, he was mentioning the fact that he wasn’t feeling well, but if it hadn’t have been over a week since we’d last seen each other he probably would have cancelled. Then walking to my door he’s asking which suite I lived in. Everything sounded good. I thought we were on a good track with things.

Went to say goodnight, so I went to hug him and give him a kiss as we normally would, but he turned his cheek to me, my initial thought was that he wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to get me sick. Then all of a sudden things changed. He said, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something for awhile. I just haven’t felt a romantic connection. You are the kind of girl I can see myself settling down with, your faith, your love for family and children. I kept hoping you would open up and I hate that I’ve been dragging things on for awhile but things haven’t changed. I want you to know, there’s been no one else since we met, since we first met for coffee” – I was stunned. Flabbergasted. I did NOT see this coming. Plus the fact that there was no one else since we met, that would have been helpful and important for me to know when I was having doubts about him, if he was really interested in me. Ok, a part of me knew that things weren’t going to work out, but I didn’t see any of this coming. Not now. And to think, earlier that day I had actually bought him a present, just hadn’t gotten around to given it to him yet. My church makes up these devotionals for reading through the Bible and I thought it would be good for us to do together. So in the end I never gave it to him, what was the point after that conversation?

He says I wasn’t opening up, but I wanted to talk about things. I know that I wasn’t opening up, but I wanted to. I wanted to talk about things. I feel like when I wanted to talk that is when I wasn’t given the chance to. Our last 3 dates weren’t great for talking. Movie, trivia night in a loud pub, bowling. Not great for talking. I suggested that we hang out at my place so that we could talk. He didn’t go for that idea. I know that I have trouble opening up but I was trying to give an opportunity to talk.

I’ve tried asking why the sudden change, why the complete 180 from when we were out to when he dropped me off at my place. I’ve had no answer. I’m so confused with the sudden turn around of things. This does not sound like someone who really cared. I honestly don’t know what happened. Things seemed great and then a sudden change. I know it’s over but I still cannot understand, I don’t know what happened to bring this change. And truthfully, I wish he would explain it to me better. But I’m not bothering him anymore. If he answers, he answers, but I’m not pushing the subject because I need to continue getting over him.

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