Well, lets get back at it, for what happened with another failed relationship. This one lived 3 hours away from me.
May 1, 2016 I started talking to B online. We hit it off right away, so much in common. That first week we had talked all but one night. Then against my better judgment I decided to text him on May 7, I knew I wasn’t ready to give out personal information, but we were getting along so well and he seemed to be exactly what I was looking for, so I figured what harm would it do. We texted back and forth all morning, had an hour long phone call at noon, texted all afternoon and evening and then when he got home from work we skyped for 3 1/2 hours (until 2am) I was exhausted falling asleep half the time but really enjoying chatting with him that I didn’t want to hang up. It was this day that we told me he was going to come down and visit me June 16-19, I was ecstatic that we were going to meet. He had these great ideas and plans for when he came down, was bringing a couple hundred dollars with him, because he had something great in mind for me.
The relationship continued to progress over the coming days. He would text me every morning, which I loved and typically we would text, or talk on the phone or Skype most evenings. In the evening of May 11, he texted me saying “Skype my love?” I didn’t think anything of it, figured he was just being cute.
Then on May 14, we were texting again, I was headed out with friends and asked how he was. He responded saying, “I’m great, the sun is shining, I’ve got the day off and I’m in love” next text “oh crap” So I respond with “In love, huh?” And from that point we were telling each other we were in love, that we loved one another.
The following weekend he was going out of town to his parents place from Thursday-Sunday and would be out of cell phone range from Friday afternoon-Sunday morning. But he had told me that his grandmother wanted him to go see a Reikki with him, I didn’t fully understand what it was, so I did some research. Basically, his grandma wanted him to communicate with his dead grandfather through this woman. Which, with my Christian faith and his Christian faith, this just did not seem right to me. All weekend I was praying about it and getting my friends to pray and researching how it could possible be seen as good, trying to make all the excuses. Finally when we talked on Sunday evening after he was home, he said that he thought I was disappointed with him (which, maybe a part of me was) but he said that it ended up not working for him to go, that if he was going it would be just to please his grandmother, not for him. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I understand wanting to please people, especially family, but when it goes against everything that you believe in?
It was around this time that he mentioned money was tight for him. That student loans were making him pay back money even though he was still in school. That he’d been going to the local food bank, because he didn’t have money for groceries. Things didn’t quite add up in my mind, but I didn’t want to question him too much.
All throughout our relationship he told me that he had been adopted, and that his adopted mom is his mom, he would never think anything different about her. His birth parents weren’t together, but he knew he had younger sisters. His birth mom’s boyfriend had been abusive which was why he was able to get pulled out of her care by the ministry, but his sisters weren’t as lucky. That’s when he gotten adopted, I believe he was 8 when adopted.
So then on May 28, he sends me a picture of this person holding up a sign (you can’t see the person, just their hands) It said, “My name is … and I am looking for my brother … he was born November 29, 1983 in Calgary, AB, he was adopted when we were kids.” Then he sends another text saying his mom just found this picture. Ok, yes, I have heard about stories about this, but never thought it would impact me or my life. And I suppose that a part of me didn’t really believe it was true, which is why I tried googling for that photo, but never found it. But he was so happy, he had found his sister, they were getting back in touch. It really was a miracle for him.
Things were going great. I honestly thought that I would marry him one day, he even asked me to be ‘pre-pre-engaged’ that I said no to, I mean, first of all, yeah, I may love this guy, but I’ve never actually met him, he hasn’t met my family or asked permission from my dad.
Then a little while later, he told me he wouldn’t be able to come down and visit anymore. His step-dad was having surgery at the hospital he worked at and he had to be with his family. That and with money issues, it wasn’t going to work. But he suggested I go visit him. Unfortunately, during this time, some of my girlfriends that had moved away for school had decided to come out and visit that same weekend. I knew it wouldn’t work for me to go visit him. Besides, I figured first initial meet, he should come to me.
So the weekend of June 10, he told me he was going to his parents with friends, so may not be able to talk much for the weekend, I figured that was ok, I don’t need to spend all my free time with this guy. A weekend away for him and a weekend with my girls for me would be good. But we planned to Skype Monday evening. So when Monday rolled around and I tried texting him with no response, and sending him messages on fb with no response and him not answer Skype, I was getting a little worried. Didn’t hear anything from him on Monday. Tuesday I try getting in touch with him again, tried fb but it wouldn’t let me send a message, or view his profile, I thought that he deactivated his account without him telling me. Tuesday evening I was with some girlfriends, and they thought that this was strange too, so they went looking for him on fb. And they FOUND HIM. And what else? His relationship status was put as he was seeing someone else.
Turns out he blocked me on fb, and most social media. I kept trying to call him, but he never answered, so I texted him. Not sure if he ever got the text or what, but at least it was something, and some sort of closure. I was furious with this guy for playing with my heart strings like that. I am realising that I didn’t love him, that I was just infatuated with the whole thing, caught up in the emotions. I opened up to him more in the month in a half that we knew each other, than I did with the other guys I had been seeing and talking to.
Yes, I was heartbroken, but a part of me was relieved. I basically cut my self off from everyone else, for this guy, and for what? For him to lie to me like that? It wasn’t right, and from then on, I decided I needed to be more careful, more cautious with who I agree to meet, when to give in. I needed to take things slow and open up when I was ready.
B made me protective of who I was, and because of that, C was unwilling to wait for me to be ready.