Mere Misunderstandings Pt 2

So I got this text from my friend yesterday while I was at church, this is the same friend from my original Mere Misunderstandings post. I had waited all that evening for her to call and she never had. She says she wants to talk but never follows through with it:

“Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t been responding. I have been having a really hard time with the fact that I don’t feel like I can be myself with you without feeling like I have to say the correct thing. It’s hard to feel accepted when my mistake or forgetfulness is corrected each time. I am working hard to accept and love myself and I need to be with friends that accept me with my mistakes. I hope you understand. I really need space to be myself no matter how forgetful or wrong I may be sometimes. I love you and care about you but I need to honest and tell you how I feel.”

This is the response that I sent her:

“Hey hun, I’m sorry that you feel that way, I never meant for you to feel wrong about things. I want you to know that if I’m correcting you, that’s just a part of who I am, I do that with everyone I’m comfortable with. I don’t want you to change who you are for me but I can’t say that I will change who I am for you either I do love you and care about you and our friendship, and I have missed seeing you and talking to you. I will give you some time and space and just continue to pray that God works in both of us to bring this friendship back to where it was. I would still like to talk to you about things and I am available most evenings and think that it would be good for us to try and work this out. [Mutual friend of ours] was mentioning that she wanted to talk to you as well, so why don’t the 3 of us sit down together and have a nice chat.”

I don’t know what to do with this. She is a dear friend of mine and I was just in her wedding this past summer. I would hate to see this friendship be one of those that is only meant for ‘a season’ I don’t know how to take this as she is telling the same thing to 2 of us.

What do you suggest I do? Any friendship advice? And tips for what to do?

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5 thoughts on “Mere Misunderstandings Pt 2

  1. Ah, this is so hard! Things like this happen to people all the time and I have seen this plight crop up often in friendships.

    If you have apologised properly, which it sounds like you have, I would pray, pray and pray again for God to intervene. But leave her to back off for a while. The frustrating thing about friendships is that one hardly ever gets the chance to explain things or justify actions. The person just isn’t listening. They are stuck, focussed on their own hurt and offence and pride makes them delete your messages instead of them re-reading them prayerfully.

    But if you have the chance, try and get the friend to give you examples of when she felt you were doing what you are being accused of. The more examples she can give you, the easier it will be for you to understand how her mind works.

    It is obvious that she is sensitive in a certain area and that her love language is words of affirmation. Somehow your words have pressed buttons in her that have made her feel critisised or mocked, even though that wasn’t your heart. Maybe send her a physical letter outlining all her good qualities and what you love about her. Apologise again for hurting her feelings and ask for her forgiveness. If she is still cool after that, then there is nothing much more you can do and you will have to leave her to work her insecurities out with God.

    But take an honest look at where you may have hurt her with your words…this is hard for you both as you are probably treading on egg shells being scared of everything you say. I have a cousin like that and she falls out with me all the time. She has serious issues but is in denial, thinking it’s everybody else. Your friend may be similar and you may have to accept that for now, this may not be a close relationship. Love her from afar and try not to keep going over things in your head. I wish you all the best with this, and I pray your own disapointment will lead you to God’s comforting arms xx

    Liked by 1 person

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