A’s Decision

My relationship with A may very well be the hardest one I have to write. He was my first date, my first boyfriend and my first love. And he was the hardest to get over. A part of me still loves him and probably always will.

I believe that I started talking to A online in September of 2015. We were originally supposed to meet Thanksgiving weekend, but because he was sick it got postponed and then we finally met on November 1. Things were a little difficult at first, I didn’t exactly know what to say or how to act. But once we realised that we had mutual friends, I think that is when things started to get easier.

Our second date was supposed to be a walk on November 19, but due to the fact that he got called out of town for work, he had to cancel. So we ended up going for dinner on November 25. Then on December 8, we went to see the new James Bond movie. At this point, I decided that something was going to happen on this date, whether he put his arm around me, held my hand or kissed me, but something was going to happen. I made sure to keep my arm on the arm rest so that my hand would be easy to hold. After awhile, he moved his arm closer and our fingers began to touch and then we held hands. I was in my glory. So happy. Definitely starting to fall for this guy.

The only problem with all of this is that, I like to hear from someone, he isn’t a great texter, it would drive me nuts when I would go a day or two not hearing from him. But I thought that things were working out ok.

He was supposed to join me for church on December 20, but ended up having to work later than planned, he didn’t get off in time to join me. I made sure that before I headed out of town for Christmas that we would be able to go out once more. So on December 23 we went out for coffee, to the same coffee shop that we first met at. Had our separate Christmas’ and then 2 days before NYE he asks what I have planned. I had given up waiting for him to ask me if I was free that I made plans with a girlfriend to go to a party. So I invited him to join us, and at first it sounded like he was interested, that he would come. Then on NYE in the late afternoon, he calls and says that one of his buddies invited him over to their place, and would I be terribly disappointed if he cancelled? What could I say? Yeah, I was really looking forward to seeing him and spending New Years with him, but I couldn’t keep him from his friends. So we both did our separate things.

Then one Sunday morning (January 10) I get a text, saying that he made it to church. It was great, I got to see him, although he was tired from a long night at work, we didn’t get to do anything after church, but it was still really nice to be able to see him. On January 12, we went bowling and then he drove us to a coffee shop where we sat and talked for awhile and then back to my car at the bowling alley. We sat and talked in his truck for awhile and I finally got up the nerve to ask what we were doing. His response, “well, I guess we’re dating” I was ecstatic. To me, in my mind, this meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend, just what I was waiting for and longing to hear.

Again, that Sunday, he joined me for church again. And Tuesday night we went out for dinner and went back to his place and talked and watched some tv. At one point we were sitting on the couch, cuddling and he said to me “I could sit like this forever” I literally took it as that. I was certain here, that one day we were going to get married, that we were going to be together forever. Everything was perfect. The next week, we hung out at his place again, but this time, things felt a little different. I didn’t want to ask too many questions, or push the topic. I figured I’d wait and see what happened, but things didn’t feel quite right.

On February 8, I was hanging out with some girlfriends, and after talking to one of them I decided to make a date idea jar for him. He always had trouble coming up with date ideas and I thought that this would be a great present for him for our first Valentine’s Day.

I’m not entirely sure where things went wrong here. Over the next few weeks, we texted every few days, but I couldn’t get much out of him. Then, on February 10, 2016, 2 days before what I would have called our 1 month anniversary and 4 days before Valentine’s day, came the dreaded phone call. “We need to talk, as you’ve probably noticed there’s been some distance between us. I’ve needed time to think. I’ve talked to some of my friends …” His excuses at the time were he was too busy, that I deserved more than he could give me. And the oh so famous line “we can still be friends, you can never have too many friends” He told me that he would keep the next night open for me if I wanted to get together and talk, or we could get together the following week. I was in no mood the day after to get together with him. In my mind I never wanted to see him again. But I tried texting the week after to see if he was free and he said “I’m busy” So that was it, I wasn’t going to try anymore.

But a couple of weeks after, I sent him a text saying how I felt. He told me he never meant to hurt me. He just didn’t see us working. We were too different. I shouldn’t have to try something new and be someone I’m not for him. I was done. Heartbroken, but Done.

On and off for the next couple of months I would think about him and think about what could have been. Then, beginning of September, I notice one of my friends post a picture on Facebook. Her and her new guy at a concert. Who is her new guy? None other than A. Eventually I ‘unfollow’ her because I can’t see the two of them showing up in my newsfeed. Although, every once in awhile I would look at her profile to see what’s happening in their relationship. Not because I want to know, but because I need to know, to help me in getting over him. In November I saw that they were Facebook ‘official’ that’s right they were dating now. Officially. Then late in the evening on January 29, I looked once more. There’s a new picture of them, and I’m pretty sure that there’s something shiny on the finger, I take a closer. Yup, that’s an engagement ring. They are engaged.

He broke up with me less then a year ago. He has moved on. Completely moved on. And here I am, heartbroken all over again.

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One thought on “A’s Decision

  1. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Christian guys can be worse than non-Christians as they like to use the ‘The Lord has told me to end it..’ line. In our church the leadership team have strict rules with the youth group 16 -30s. If a guy wishes to start seeing a girl exclusively with no chaperones, then he has to make an appointment with a leader and tell him of his intention. This is not a hard, heavy-shepherding thing – no-one forces them to do so, but everybody knows the ‘rule’. Then as a protection thing for the girl, if the guy has been dating and dumping, she will be told and advised to re-consider and he will be advised to cool his jets and wait. They are then reminded that if the relationship doesn’t work out, that the dumped one will have the torture of seeing the new girlfriend/boyfriend in church and be at risk of resentment & jealousy and the new partner will be at risk of resenting the fact that their partner had you first, feeling like they’ve got damaged goods etc.

    This method works well, as the guy thinks twice before entering into an exclusive relationship with a girl he’s not really sure about and it protects church relationships – as parents may also be involved. Do you really want to continue having tea with the mother of the son who ditched your daughter and with the mother of the girl who has taken your daughter’s place?

    So it is not all your fault. Churches often fail to put protective measures in place which leads to broken people leaving the flock out of humiliation and resentment. It’s okay to go out as a group and sit together etc, but as soon as a guy starts giving the love speeches and physical touching, a girl is wooed and planning her wedding.

    Try to remember that it is not anything you said or did that put him off – he knew you liked him and he took advantage of that. I believe he did like you too, but is fickle. Try to see that it’s better that he rejected you now than 2 years down the line when you are married with a baby. There’s too many children in this world who are living without their dads as it is. You have been protected from joining the statistics. Many hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

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