What If…

For some reason, I keep replaying my last date with C in my head (if you are unsure of what all went on go back and find ‘Cs Heartbreak’ from January 15)

I guess I’m going through the ‘what if’ motions now.

What if, when we were cuddling on those totally uncomfortable bowling chairs … I kissed him on the cheek and when he looked down at me gave him an even more passionate kiss on the lips?

What if, after we left bowling … I tried harder to get us to do something else, even just a small, light meal? (neither of us was super hungry and he wasn’t feeling well)

What if, when he was driving me home … I suggested that he come upstairs to my place, so that we could talk and have a serious conversation?

What if, when he was breaking up with me … I started to fight for what I wanted, telling him I wanted to open up but didn’t feel like I was given a fair opportunity last few dates because they weren’t good talking dates?

What if, when I messaged him a few days later … once I noticed that he read the message and didn’t respond, I started to hound him? (ok, this one I probably wouldn’t have done, leave well enough alone, but still would have liked closure after his 180 turnaround)

What if, what if, what if … so many questions and I wish that I had the right answers to them all, but I don’t. It’s hard and it hurts. I thought I was over him but I guess I still have more to work through with all of this


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