Feelings, what more can I say …

Last weekend was Easter. I was expecting happy times with family and friends. Sure I know that no family get together is perfect and there’s always something, but I didn’t really expect any of this.

Let’s start at the beginning. So my brother and sister in law were in town for the weekend because they wanted to see my grandma while she is still pretty good.

I’m not entirely sure where this all came from, and I didn’t bring it up. Here’s a fact about me, I have a weird memory, I can remember odd facts that others don’t necessarily remember, I can figure out dates of events and how I’m related to people.

Anyway, my parents and siblings and I were visit my grandma Friday afternoon. My mom brought up that I can always figure out how I’m related to someone. It wasn’t something that I brought up, she mentioned that my brother isn’t always good at doing this. I didn’t disagree, ok, maybe I agreed with her, affirming the statement. So somewhere, I’m not entirely sure where it came from or why it was brought up, but my brother said, “I heard you singing in church, you can’t carry a tune” I’m not sure where the teaming up on me came from, but it hurt my feelings, it took a lot of my strength not to start to cry (it was a good thing that my grandma had a puzzle on the go that I was sitting beside because I started distracting myself with that) but I didn’t think that statement was called for. No, I don’t like singing in public, but I do like worshipping and I thought I had a decent voice and could follow along fairly well, but that comment just tore me down.

Then Saturday night, two different events. I went to the movies with the siblings again. I don’t know what brought it on, but I started tearing up for my singleness. No, I don’t want to be single, I don’t like being the one that doesn’t have anyone, being the odd wheel all the time. I would love to be in a relationship and I miss what I had with the guys in the past, but I don’t want to date just for the sake of being in a relationship, I want to date with the hope of marriage in mind and sometimes I think that’s never going to happen for me.

Finally, last event on Saturday, we were driving home from the movie, my brother was driving. I could tell he was turning right (the freeway was to the left and that’s the quick way to get back to mom and dads) so I asked which way he was turning. Sister in law says, “he’s turning right” brother says “I want to go the other way” ok, that’s fine, if he wants to take back roads and the long way, that’s fine by me. So when he misses the turn that I was pretty sure that he wanted to take I said nothing. Maybe because a part of me doesn’t want to correct people all the time because friend got hurt from when I did that to her. So it wasn’t until my brother said that he was mixed up and confused that I said something. I told him he was on the South side of the freeway (he didn’t want to believe me at first) finally he did. I felt done correcting people, because apparently when I do that I hurt people’s feelings, so if someone is going to get things wrong, so be it, I’ll let them make their own mistakes.

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