Ok, so I’m really not sure if this is because I’m quiet and it’s an oversight or I’m just not as good friends with someone as I thought.
This evening, I let the first comment slide by because well, my roommate had been to much lately and figured that our friend wanted to be able to see her. So when my roommate said that she had been invited over for dinner, yes a part of it hurt (cause really she could have kept it to herself, especially since she was unable to go) but I pushed it aside and forgot about.
Then later in the evening she got another text from some number that she didn’t know. Saying ‘Oh, it’s probably for (friends) thing’ – ok, maybe that dinner wasn’t tonight but a different night, I think to myself. Trying to keep myself preoccupied so I wouldn’t show my hurt. But she keeps talking about it. Finally I say I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about, I assume a dinner cause that’s what you had mentioned earlier this evening. And she’s like ‘oh no, you weren’t invited to (friends) birthday?’ Thinking, uh no, if I was I wouldn’t be sitting here playing dumb (well this time wasn’t playing because I had absolutely no idea what she had been talking about) trying to keep myself preoccupied so that the tears that are threatening to come out won’t.
I’m not sure if she figured out that her talking was hurting me or not. She did shortly after that change subjects.
But now I wonder. Was I left out on purpose? Was it just an oversight? Does my quietness turn people off and push them away, not wanting to spend time with me because I don’t talk much? I don’t know, I just don’t know. I wish I weren’t like this. I wish it were easier for me to talk, but it isn’t. I am quiet. I am shy. And it does take a lot to get me to talk. But should that be a reason for me not have many good and lasting friends? I feel like I’m being punished for something that I can’t help.