This is what I read the other day for my devotionals and my thoughts surrounding it.
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Considerand answer me, O LORD my God;
light up me eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your stewdfast love;
my hearr shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
There is so much fear and doubt racing through my heart and my head. I don’t know what to think or where to turn. I want to trust my Father but I get so lost in the mix and confusion that I feel like no one really knows me or cares about me. Why am I like this? How come I’m lost with no one to find me or give me a way out. Is this what life is supposed to be like? What friendship is supposed to be like? I just want someone to be there to show me that they actually truly care.
Sometimes I really wonder if I am truly accepted in my circle of friends. No one reaches out to me (or very rarely do they) If I want to see someone or spend time with someone then I need to reach out. And even when I do that I feel at times shot down and rejected. It’s not a fun feeling and not something that I enjoy. It is a reason that I do shut down and hide myself away. I don’t know how to feel accepted in my own group of friends. I feel like an outsidee half the time, that I don’t belong where I am and I have no one really to turn to. I try tellin friends and they don’t understand. They just tell me to reach out so that things are reciprocated, but they never are. It hurts and I don’t know what to do …