Where Is My Time?

I am not one to spread my wings and share publicly for people to know how I really feel. This is me being vulnerable. Me being real. I am desperate for me time. For time to myself, to take to me and rejuvenate myself.

Between having 2 busy weeks behind me, with a funeral of a dear family friend who was like an uncle to me last weekend and having the guy I was seeing end things with me the very next day. I am in desperate need of time to myself.

I’m sorry, I want to be encouraging and supportive, but when I don’t get the time that I need for myself then it’s not going to happen. I want to understand that my roommate is having a hard time right now but she doesn’t seem to understand what I am going through. Or the fact that I just need time for myself.

She was supposed to be going to visit family this weekend, but because she’s not doing well at the moment that is not going to happen. Which in turn means that I am not getting the time that I need for myself.

I know I may be sounding like a bit of a broken record now. But I need this and I don’t now how to get the point across how badly I need this. I need the relaxing time. I need the time to mourn the family friend and the loss of the relationship.

I now know that I will not be getting this time that I need this weekend and I really don’t know when I will get it.

Advertisements

That’s it …

Well, I tried not to overthink too much about last night, act natural and let things take their course.

We went to a movie and then out for coffee. Well, let’s just say I had a reason to worry, to think that something was wrong and that he was being distant. He had probably known on our last date that he would be ending things.

I tried to play it cool and not let my emotions show too much, but it definitely wasn’t the easy thing to do.

He was so good at the beginning. He always gave me the daily communication that I craved, at the end of things I still got the daily communication but not as many messages throughout the course of the day as I used to.

I did like him. I did care for him. Is dating really supposed to be this hard? This difficult? Why can’t we go back to the old school way of meeting someone. That I could just meet someone through mutual friends or at church. I don’t like this whole online thing. It’s not easy, it’s hard and keeps hurting.

Should I Worry?

Ok, I like getting advice from different people, at different walks in their lives.

So I have already mentioned D. We had gone on 6 dates in 3 weeks and then due to differing schedules and us both being away, it had been 2 weeks without seeing each other. Finally I will see him tomorrow.

Here’s the thing, I’ve told him I miss him (ok, I admit, that may have been a bit much or too soon or whatever, but I can’t follow the so called typcial dating rules, if someone is going to like me, it’s going to be for me and the way I am) the problem with all of this is that he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that I saw I miss him (and I’ve said it more than once)

Should I be worried? Should I say something about it? I could really use some advice from others.

Days Go By …

Ok, so I was on summer holidays from work July 17-28. I just had a simple stay-cation. Keeping busy but also making sure to have down time and time to rest for myself.

Then my roommate was out of town from July 23-Aug 5. It was a nice little break of actually having time to myself, having the break that I needed to get back the energy and rest that I so desperately needed.

Then, when she got home after a few days, I started speaking my mind some more. That her overloud yawn was ‘a little annoying, make that a lot annoying’ – although I think she took it as more of a sarcastic joke then actually the truth.

I also mentioned that it was nice having 2 weeks of not having to worry about being late for things. I am one that doesn’t like to be late, I like to leave at a certain time. Then I hear that she was able to get ready so quickly while away because she was getting picked up. Sure I understand that there can be a difference between being picked up and just leaving the house together, but one would think that she would be respectful of me from time to time too, considering all that I do for her.

I try not to step on her toes, and I give her the space that she needs and lately when she complains about being tired, I let her do as she wishes if it’s going to sleep. It can just be frustrating when she has energy to stay up super late after traveling, with a friend and then the next night when we are going to hang out complains about being tired but then gets a wind of energy to talk on the phone, and as soon as the call is over is exhausted again. It seems as though she has energy when it comes to others but when it comes to me she has none.

Communication is Key

I started writing this blog after C broke up with me. I guess that it was a way for me to help understand myself. Figure out what was bothering me and where the different relationships in my life were headed. It was also a nice way to get input from the outside world. Advice on things that I typically wouldn’t ask anyone, but keep bottled up inside of me.

Well, after seeing ‘D’ (let’s go with the letter scheme that I have already been using) for 3 weeks now. Truthfully, I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. I don’t know what’s going to come from this. I like him and I like where things are going. I have felt that I am able to talk more and communicate more with him than the other guys. And unlike the other guys who would fill in the silent gaps of talking about themselves (or just talking about something in general) D doesn’t. It’s true, we do have times of awkward silence, but we also have times of quiet, peace in the others company. Sure there are times that I want to say something but instead just marvel in the silence of his company.

One of the things that I have wanted in a relationship, I have gotten with him though. My daily communication. No, we don’t talk on the phone, but that’s alright, he texts me when he has a free moment and vice versa.

We have talked about some more important things, in our 5 dates, then I did with anyone else. I appreciate his willingness to bring up such subjects as limits and boundaries in this. I know for me something I want, something I long for in a relationship is to grow spiritually together as well, as Christ called his children to be one. I realize that the only way to get there with D is to bring up the subject, something I hope to do soon, but don’t want to push it as this relationship is still new and I don’t want to scare him away.

We both agree that communication is key and that if something is bothering us, that we need to talk about. I just need to get over my nerves and use my words with him.