Know Thyself

Reading through the book ‘Text, Don’t Call’ I’ve come across little introverted comics that seem to speak to me and about me. Some of the comics in the book aren’t as relevant to me as other, but then there are some that I can completely relate to.

There definitely is a big difference between these three. Shy. Antisocial. Introverted. I’m not antisocial, I love my friends and the time I get to spend with them. I am shy, it does take me awhile (make that a log while) to warm up to people and I am quiet at the best of times. I am introverted, I do need my alone time and the time to myself to recharge (pg 10)

I don’t talk, I am very quiet. I’m not the talkative person in the crowd. I do listen, my ears are open and will always give an ear to a friend in need. I may not always have advice to give when you need to talk but I will always give a listening ear when someone needs to talk (pg 13)

Ok, again, this is me. Especially when it comes to online dating. If a friend of mine would ask me to get together for coffee, that I’d be up for, I wouldn’t need to process it. If a guy is asking me for coffee (typically the online type) that I would need to process, I’m not the type that will agree to meet right away, I need time to get to know someone. Time to process (pg 15)

Honestly, don’t fully understand this one, but the last line speaks to me. ‘Refills are freshly squeezed ALONE’. Yes, my recharge level needs to be recharged ALONE. Not sitting on the couch with someone watching tv. But ALONE. I can be on the couch, at home, ALONE. But not with others. I recharge best when no one else is home. When I am ALONE (pg 17)

This is just one chapter out of this book. I’m sure that there are people out there that can relate to parts of this just like I can. Yes, I’m an introvert. And yes, maybe I’m still getting to know what introvertedness really is, and why and how it makes me, well, me. 


Being an Introvert

“And it’s great to be an introvert! There are so many wonderful qualities that come with having this particular preference. For instance, we introverts are wired to focus and concentrate well, and we tend to process things before we speak or act. We’re observant and insightful, often expressing ourselves better in writing than in speech. Because we’re seriously private, introverts may be difficult to get to know, but once we warm up to someone, we make good listeners and trustworthy confidants. We prefer depth to breadth and are fiercely independent.” ~ ‘Text, Don’t Call’ by INFJoe, pg. 5

I just recently found out about this book and finally picked it up today. I am so glad to be reading it as I feel like I can actually tell that there is someone out there that truly gets me.

Yes, I do process things before I speak or act, but unfortunately by the time I have finished processing a thought the opportunity of saying the thought has passed and I missed my window of chance.

I am a private person, chances are, the people that know me best are actually the people who read this blog. I have a difficult time articulating my thoughts and feelings to someone in person, but here it seems so much simpler as most of the readers (if there are even any) don’t know me [ok, I know that one friend reads this, but we have never actually discussed what I write, maybe because she’s giving me space to express myself in a way I feel comfortable and doesn’t want to push or maybe some other reason, but I know that if I wanted to talk about any of this with her that I could]

I always make a good listener, I am a great ear to hear what you have to say. I may not have words of comfort always, or given the most intelligent response, but I am here to listen to you for whatever your needs may be.

Friends, or lack there of …

Ok, I have this friend, we’ve known each other for 3 years now, and I have talked about her before, how my roommate was invited to her birthday and I wasn’t, thinking it may have just been an oversight.

Well, tonight roomie got a text from her, inviting her for lunch after church. And roomie goes on and on talking about it, how friend wants it to be a small group unlike the last time – great, I got no message, I’m not invited.

But then roomie continues talking about one-on-one time with friend while having lunch – ok, that’s fine, if it’s just the two of them, then I shouldn’t be doubting the friendship.

Now roomie is talking that ‘maybe she’ll invite 1 or 2 more people’ or ‘maybe she won’t’ – well, which is it? 

This has me doubting my friendship, doubting my friends. Roomie doesn’t seem to be picking up on the fact that this conversation is hurting me and I don’t want to be a burden to her and make her feel like she’s in the middle of a fake friendship (because honestly that’s how I feel half the time with this friend) but at the same time roomie is always telling me things that burden her and then they go onto me.

Well, you know what? I’m not her social calendar. I have feelings and I do get hurt. It’s not my fault that I keep things buried inside, this is how I deal with things I bury them and hide and stay away from everything and everyone. It’s like I don’t let the real me out. No one truly knows the real me. And maybe that’s why I feel like I have no real friends, because the people I’ve always felt safe turning to are so busy or far away and I’m afraid of letting someone new into my life, so instead I hide away my feelings from everyone and don’t let it show. But I don’t like being this way. I don’t like hiding, I want someone to care. To genuinely listen and not give up until I actually talk about. Not give up when I say I’m fine or that nothing’s wrong, because typically that’s when things are.

A Look at Last Weekend …

Ok, so last weekend had some good and some not so great factors to it.

Friday night I was at a big event, in line for something and look over and see Guy ‘D’ that had just ended things a few weeks earlier with me, standing in the same line I was in, thankfully it started moving and all he did was a smile/wave. But then later on that evening I was with some friends and saw him again. A part of me wishes that I had gone up to him and talked to him, but I also know that it would have hurt. He is my only ex that I have actually run into since, well, since being dumped. It wasn’t that easy. I wanted to get the chance to talk to him, to give him a piece of my mind, but firstly I don’t even know if I’d have been able to get the words I wanted to say out or even had the nerve to say the words I wanted to say.

Then on Saturday I went to a speed dating event. I had 11 dates in one hour, each date was 5 minutes. I actually think it was a really good experience. I was interested in 6, and on Sunday got the results back that out of the 6 that I was interested in only 1 was also interested. I guess that shouldn’t be a major thing. All in all I think the speed dating was a really good idea and would recommend people getting the chance to go do it.

Overall, it was a good weekend. Even with the hard bits with my ex thrown in, I had a fun time with friends the next day and had a new experience also.


Well, tomorrow I am trying something new. Something out of my comfort zone, something I’ve never done before. I’m excited but at the same time I am nervous.

I am going to a Christian Speed Dating event!

Wow me!

Wow me is right! I can’t believe I’m doing this!

I’ve wanted to try it ever since I first heard about it 2 years ago but never wanted to go by myself and never found anyone who was willing to go. This year I have a girlfriend that is going and a guy friend (who I sort of know)

It should be a fun afternoon, only problem is now I need to think of things to say and talk about.

There should be 10 dates all lasting 5 minutes. So I need to come up with a list of questions.

I don’t just want to ask the typical generic questions. Name? Age? Work? Hobbies? I want to ask questions that’ll make me stand out and make a guy remember me and want to get to know me more.

Any question suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks a bunch.

Ahhh! Got to get my screaming nerves out while I still can. Ok, I’ll be good. This’ll be a fun afternoon, Still can’t believe I’m actually doing it, but it’ll be fun, I know it will, if nothing else but for the experience.

Singleness …

Ugh, why is the pain there so much? It seems that every guy that I have ever remotely been interested in is either in a relationship or wanting to be in one with someone else.

It’s just a part of brokenness from this past weekend. I feel like a part of me is breaking all over again. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be happy for my friends, but seeing as I’m single once again that the pain seems all the more real and me finding someone seems all the less likely. I got confirmation this past weekend that 2 guys I have liked in the past and always wonder “what if? Maybe one day …” are pursuing things with other friends of mine.

On Saturday, I was talking to a girlfriend and from the way that she was talking I got the impression that she was getting to know Guy 1 and possibly interested in seeing where things went. Which talking about the whole thing, just make emotions move and start getting me worked up. Later on, she did mention that she didn’t see things working out with this guy, so I suppose a part of my heart felt relieved, but it still pained me to know that he was interested in someone else, when I have been here going back and fourth over the past 8 or 9 years of knowing him and never having him show any interest in me but is always interested in one friend or another.

For the past few weeks I have wondered about Guy 2 and another friend that of mine. Had actual confirmation that they are an item this morning. And this guy, I know, wouldn’t date if he didn’t think there was a marriage potential there. Which saddens me, because I practically bore my heart to him a number of years ago, only for him to say he’s not looking for anything, he wasn’t ready for any relationship. And although it was years ago and I’m sure we weren’t meant to be, a part of it hurts to know that he’s found happiness and I keep trying relationships that don’t work. After I had told him I liked him, it took a long time to get our friendship back to where it was, and I suppose if I’m honest, it’s still not really where it was before.

I suppose that there could still be a possibility with Guy 1, but I’m really not sure if things ever will work out with him or anyone.

I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut, that I’m never going to meet anyone and that I’ll be single forever …

Where Is My Time?

I am not one to spread my wings and share publicly for people to know how I really feel. This is me being vulnerable. Me being real. I am desperate for me time. For time to myself, to take to me and rejuvenate myself.

Between having 2 busy weeks behind me, with a funeral of a dear family friend who was like an uncle to me last weekend and having the guy I was seeing end things with me the very next day. I am in desperate need of time to myself.

I’m sorry, I want to be encouraging and supportive, but when I don’t get the time that I need for myself then it’s not going to happen. I want to understand that my roommate is having a hard time right now but she doesn’t seem to understand what I am going through. Or the fact that I just need time for myself.

She was supposed to be going to visit family this weekend, but because she’s not doing well at the moment that is not going to happen. Which in turn means that I am not getting the time that I need for myself.

I know I may be sounding like a bit of a broken record now. But I need this and I don’t now how to get the point across how badly I need this. I need the relaxing time. I need the time to mourn the family friend and the loss of the relationship.

I now know that I will not be getting this time that I need this weekend and I really don’t know when I will get it.

That’s it …

Well, I tried not to overthink too much about last night, act natural and let things take their course.

We went to a movie and then out for coffee. Well, let’s just say I had a reason to worry, to think that something was wrong and that he was being distant. He had probably known on our last date that he would be ending things.

I tried to play it cool and not let my emotions show too much, but it definitely wasn’t the easy thing to do.

He was so good at the beginning. He always gave me the daily communication that I craved, at the end of things I still got the daily communication but not as many messages throughout the course of the day as I used to.

I did like him. I did care for him. Is dating really supposed to be this hard? This difficult? Why can’t we go back to the old school way of meeting someone. That I could just meet someone through mutual friends or at church. I don’t like this whole online thing. It’s not easy, it’s hard and keeps hurting.

Should I Worry?

Ok, I like getting advice from different people, at different walks in their lives.

So I have already mentioned D. We had gone on 6 dates in 3 weeks and then due to differing schedules and us both being away, it had been 2 weeks without seeing each other. Finally I will see him tomorrow.

Here’s the thing, I’ve told him I miss him (ok, I admit, that may have been a bit much or too soon or whatever, but I can’t follow the so called typcial dating rules, if someone is going to like me, it’s going to be for me and the way I am) the problem with all of this is that he doesn’t acknowledge the fact that I saw I miss him (and I’ve said it more than once)

Should I be worried? Should I say something about it? I could really use some advice from others.

Days Go By …

Ok, so I was on summer holidays from work July 17-28. I just had a simple stay-cation. Keeping busy but also making sure to have down time and time to rest for myself.

Then my roommate was out of town from July 23-Aug 5. It was a nice little break of actually having time to myself, having the break that I needed to get back the energy and rest that I so desperately needed.

Then, when she got home after a few days, I started speaking my mind some more. That her overloud yawn was ‘a little annoying, make that a lot annoying’ – although I think she took it as more of a sarcastic joke then actually the truth.

I also mentioned that it was nice having 2 weeks of not having to worry about being late for things. I am one that doesn’t like to be late, I like to leave at a certain time. Then I hear that she was able to get ready so quickly while away because she was getting picked up. Sure I understand that there can be a difference between being picked up and just leaving the house together, but one would think that she would be respectful of me from time to time too, considering all that I do for her.

I try not to step on her toes, and I give her the space that she needs and lately when she complains about being tired, I let her do as she wishes if it’s going to sleep. It can just be frustrating when she has energy to stay up super late after traveling, with a friend and then the next night when we are going to hang out complains about being tired but then gets a wind of energy to talk on the phone, and as soon as the call is over is exhausted again. It seems as though she has energy when it comes to others but when it comes to me she has none.